The State of Student Situationships

The rise of “situationships,” those undefined, emotionally gray areas between friendship and romance, has become one of the most talked-about trends among college students.

But according to licensed marital and family therapist and UCO professor Kristin Atchley, this phenomenon isn’t new at all. “I think it’s just been redefined,” she said. “We used to call these ‘friends with benefits’ in my generation.”

What’s changed, Atchley explained, isn’t the behavior itself but how students approach it. Today’s young adults have more autonomy to explore relationships on their own terms — but that freedom can come with confusion, emotional imbalance, and distraction from academics if not managed with care.

“College is an exploratory time,” Atchley said. “You’re figuring out who you are and what you want. But you need to know yourself before you jump into something that might blur those lines.”

Situationships are defined by their lack of definition: two people enjoy emotional or physical intimacy without committing to exclusivity, routine, or long-term expectations. In theory, that flexibility can feel freeing — it offers connection and companionship without the weight of commitment.

“Sometimes it’s enjoyable,” Atchley said. “You can go to a concert together, spend time, and have fun. That’s okay, as long as you’re being honest with yourself about what you want and keeping it safe and consensual.”

But while situationships can provide short-term benefits, they can also become emotionally taxing, especially when one person starts wanting more than the other. “That’s where imbalance shows up,” Atchley noted. “When one person gives up their power because they’re hoping for something deeper, it can turn into emotional stress.”

She added that these dynamics can easily spill into students’ academic lives. The uncertainty and mixed signals that come with an undefined relationship can create “mind games,” as she puts it, that dominate mental energy. “You start overthinking, wondering what the other person is doing, hoping for more,” she said. “That can distract from schoolwork and affect your focus.”

Atchley emphasized that power and balance are key. Without clear communication, one person often ends up emotionally investing more than the other — leading to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or even resentment.

“People settle because if they can’t have what they want, they’ll try to get as close to it as they can,” she explained. “It’s a form of compromise, but it often leaves you drained.”

Still, the fallout from a situationship doesn’t have to define someone’s future relationships. “You can learn from it,” Atchley said. “If you reflect and grow, it can teach you what you do and don’t want. It’s all about what you do with the experience.”

Her advice for students navigating these blurred dynamics is straightforward: communicate and know your boundaries.

“You cannot not communicate,” she said. “Even when you’re not speaking, your actions are saying something. Make sure your behavior matches your words — and that both match what you actually want.”

She also encouraged students to stay grounded and seek support when needed. “Go back to your core values,” she advised. “Ask yourself, ‘Is this situation aligning with who I am and what I need?’ If it’s not, it might be time to walk away or refocus on what matters — like your academics or mental health.”

While the thrill of a situationship — the “mystery” and unpredictability — can feel exciting, Atchley warns that this dopamine-driven “chase” can cross unhealthy lines if left unchecked. “It’s fine to enjoy the thrill,” she said, “as long as it’s mutual, respectful, and not causing harm or confusion.”

Ultimately, Atchley believes that situationships reflect the broader developmental journey of early adulthood — a time defined by exploration, trial, and self-discovery. They’re not inherently bad or new, but they do require honesty, emotional awareness, and boundaries to remain healthy.

“The point isn’t to avoid connection,” she said. “It’s to learn from every relationship — defined or not — and grow into someone who knows their worth and what they want. If you can do that, even a situationship can be a meaningful part of your development, not a setback.”