Editorial: To the women single on Valentine’s Day… again

This week, you’re going to go to the store and see a never-ending line of men with bouquets of flowers, wine, and overpriced cards at the checkout lines. Jewelry store commercials are going to overcrowd your TVs and streaming services. Instagram posts of couples hugging, kissing, getting engaged and everything else you want but don’t have, are going to take over your social media.

I don’t hate the concept behind Valentine’s Day. For me, it’s more about the yearly reminder that I still haven’t met my person, or at least someone to call a partner. 

In my 23 years of life, my dating life has been nonexistent. I’ve never even been on a real date. Yikes, I know. I’ve always put my work and academics first because I know I will always have those to fall back on. Those achievements were sought and achieved for myself.

My independence and ability to be alone has never been a problem. I enjoy it most of the time. I am capable of experiencing and doing life on my own. But sometimes, the moments that are a little too quiet, a little more lonely, that’s when I start to question things.  

All of my friends are either engaged, married, have kids or all of the above. I’m the only one left. They are experiencing the experiences that I long to have one day. More than once, I’ve caught myself looking up at the sky and asking God, “When is it my turn?”

Along with those moments comes the feelings that are so hard to suppress: Feeling unloved, unwanted, like something is wrong with me or I’m not doing something right. It’s so hard trying not to internalize that. The impatience of wanting something so bad that you can only find an explanation in blaming yourself, it’s mentally exhausting.

If any of this feels familiar, I am so sorry and I completely understand.

So, what does this mean? I’m all for the “self-love, loving yourself” mantra, but if you’re like me, you still want the possibility of sharing your love with someone else.

What has helped me in my weak moments is this: Whoever is meant for you will find you. Even if they wander, those who are meant to be there will find their way back to you.

I’ve learned that I don’t like the phrase “I’ll wait until it’s my turn” because if you’re waiting for someone who may not appear at all, so many moments, seasons, and other experiences that are meant for you may pass you by. Holding onto the idea of “maybe” is self-sabotage. That’s been the hardest pill to swallow.

Being hopeful is OK. There’s beauty in hope. That is what keeps us motivated. However, I’m learning that embracing the season I am in right now, the person I am in this moment, is more important than rushing anything or anyone that may or may not be coming next. What is meant for me, who is meant for me, will be directed my way when time allows it, if it may do so at all. 

To the women who are single on Valentine’s Day, and this is not your first solo rodeo, I’m right there with you. You are going to be OK. Do something that makes you happy and rest assured, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, and may this be the last time you ever feel anything but loved on Valentine’s Day.

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