Dylan's Guide to Surviving a Super Bowl Party

 
The Super Bowl is quickly approaching and let’s face it, some of us have no clue what’s going on in sports. At the same time, you want to hang out with your friends and seem cool by going to one of their ‘Super Bowl parties.’ That is why I have compiled a guide to fitting in at one of these parties and seeming like you know what’s going on without actually knowing what’s going on. So, I’ll pass you my Super Bowl Party Guide and you can score a touchdown for the home team.
1. The Sport is Football
Just remember, the sport everyone is watching is called football. So, every now and then, shout out how much you love the sport of football. Also, say the word ‘football’ any chance you get. This lets the guys know you’re super cool and that you are no fool to what sport you are watching.
2. Don’t Slap Butts
I know this is a weird one but, you will see the coach tend to slap the butts of the players on the field when they’ve done well. Don’t do it to your friends. A football coach, a football player and parents of small disobedient children are the only people that are allowed to slap butts in this world. If you find yourself wanting to slap a butt at the party, turn the other cheek, my friend.
3. Show Emotion When Appropriate
A couple times during the game, everyone will stand and cheer for a touchdown. You will need to pay close attention to the moment they do. It’s a make-or-break situation. If you don’t stand and cheer with them, they will test your allegiance by asking you questions for which you do not have the answers. So keep your eye on the group and when they cheer, you cheer.
4. The Focal Point is Football
Yes, there are thousands of other things going on in the world to concern yourself with other than football; don’t. Who cares where our country is headed, what North Korea is up to or who Cardi-B is. This day is about football and football only. Come prepared with facts about football that you can tell the group whenever there is a silence. The group will thank you for knowing so much about the wonderful sport of football.
5. Dress for the Occasion
This is one way to surely fool the group into thinking you know all about football; wear a jersey. Just make sure that you are wearing the same jersey as the loudest person in the group. When people start to doubt your alliance with your team, you can just cast your eyes to that loud person and they will have your back. This is a ‘buddy technique’ that will prevent any complicated questions which might come your way.
No matter what, remember that football is a team-based sport and so is partying with your friends. Coming prepared shows that you care. So toss the pig-skin, sack a quarter and have a baller time on the court. Just make sure you don’t foul up because that would give the other team the chance to penalty kick against you.