Has College Dating Culture Shifted?— Not as Much as Students Think

As college students navigate their early twenties, many feel certain that dating has fundamentally changed—becoming more digital, more confusing, and less personal.

Marriage and Family Therapist Kristin Atchley, who teaches family relationships and counsels couples in Norman, believes the landscape isn’t so much transformed as it is accelerated.

According to her, the most important factor isn’t the widespread belief that the pandemic “ruined dating.” Instead, it’s the timing of the pandemic itself. Students now in college were in middle and high school—the developmental years when people learn to form relationships autonomously—when everything shifted online.

“You’re 16 or 17, starting to form relationships without your parents driving you somewhere, and that’s when life was disrupted,” she said.

“For your generation, initiation became virtual. Previous generations met in person first and then took things digital. You all started digital.”

She describes COVID not as a turning point, but as an accelerant: FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and online connection were already replacing in-person initiation, but lockdown made those tools the only option.

“My honest opinion is that we were moving in that direction already. The pandemic sped it up.”

Digital-first intimacy—more connection, less closeness

Atchley states that while digital communication created new tools for staying connected during isolation, it also created an “artificial” sense of intimacy.

Students often maintain what resembles full relationships—consistent communication, emotional dependency, even conflict—with people they rarely or never see in person.

“You can have a whole-blown relationship with someone you’re not even doing life with,” she said.

This digital-first approach also complicates boundaries. “ Defining the relationship is more necessary now than ever,” she noted, because expectations aren’t shared.

Unadds, follows, unfollows, Snapchat streaks, and Instagram story views now function as relationship signals—even though no one agrees on what they mean. These mixed messages also extend to breakups.

“It’s muddied the waters,” she said. “We don’t have a collective agreement on what’s appropriate once you’re dating. How do you behave online? What counts as interest? When is it exclusive?”

Hookup culture and the economics of dating

Some students assume dating has declined post-pandemic, but Atchley says frequency hasn’t changed much. What has changed is the increasing expense of dating, which reshapes behavior.

“It’s nearly impossible to go on a date because it’s so expensive,” she said. Rising costs have pushed students toward less traditional dating norms—splitting checks more often—or, in some cases, toward skipping dates altogether.

“Maybe that’s why hookups have increased,” she said. “It’s less expensive than going out.”

Economic strain adds pressure to relationships, too. Students who might once have met casually on campus now juggle off-campus jobs, hybrid classes, and less spare time—all of which limit in-person connection.

Do students date more, less, or about the same?

Despite common anxieties, she doesn’t see evidence that post-pandemic dating is in crisis.

“I don’t think it’s decreased,” she said. “I think it’s stayed about the same.”

Long-term patterns like marriage, cohabitation, and committed partnerships remain stable over time—and she expects they still will. The main differences today are logistical and technological, not foundational.

“We won’t know long-term changes until much later,” she said.

She is more certain about one thing: long-distance relationships are far more acceptable now. Easier digital communication, especially for students who graduate and relocate, has normalized virtual connections.

Students are less connected—even in the same room

The therapist also noted that digital norms have eroded everyday social interaction, not just dating. Where earlier generations chatted before class and met peers organically, students now walk in, sit down, and pull out their phones. She emphasizes that this was happening before COVID, but intensified with social distancing measures and virtual learning.

“We weren’t exchanging germs, we put people far apart, we had protocols,” she explained. “It sped the trend up.”

Still, she hopes things may shift back. Some high schools are already enforcing phone bans, rebuilding face-to-face habits that current college students never had the chance to develop.

Advice for building more intentional relationships

Her guidance for students trying to reconnect in person is direct:

“If you want more human connection, you need to be a human in person. The phone is not a human.”

Intentionality, she argues, is the antidote to confusion. Make clear what you want, seek in-person interaction when possible, and set expectations early—especially in relationships that begin online.

Professor Atchley encourages students to enroll in the Marriage & Intimate Relations hybrid course, which she teaches in both the Fall and Spring semesters. This course examines engagement and marriage relationships in present-day society.