The Maturing Millennial: Playing the Role of Bride
(Provided/ Carolyn Pickle).
As of this weekend, there is only one week left until my wedding. Things are going pretty smooth for now, but I’m prepared for chaos.
I still feel like there is so much left to do. I have to paint some decorations, order chairs, make the cupcake stand, and somewhere in between all of that I have to pack all of my belongings for the big move.
My mom and I finally picked up my dress from the seamstress. As I was standing there looking at myself in the mirror I felt like the dress was wearing me instead of the other way around. It felt like a costume with a life of its own.
The longer I stared in the mirror, the more flaws I could find on myself. I didn’t feel good enough for this designer gown.
The seamstress kept telling me how flat my tummy looked but the dress was just so tight I could barely breathe. I felt like I was trying to squeeze myself into the mold of “bride” instead of just wearing a simple dress that made me feel confident and comfortable.
It got me thinking about the tradition of weddings and why we do them. My feminist side was disgusted that I would play into society’s ideals about weddings.
I felt like I was just putting on a show for everyone else. I won’t just be representing myself, I’m also representing my family. I am expected to plan this huge party and make myself look magnificent so I can show my future husband and our families how good of a wife I will be. As if my value is in how many friends I have or in my looks.
However, the little girl in me wanted a big happy wedding, just like everyone else. I wanted to feel like I was good enough for 100 people to show up and see me. I wanted to feel like I was worthy of the big dress, the gifts and the heartfelt speeches.
But in the end, the seamstress did her job exactly like I asked her to. So after, I finished having a panic attack, we paid and left. I decided to just let it go because there’s nothing I could do about it now. Plus it really is a gorgeous gown. (And it does kind of make my waist look small.)
I know that Ben loves me for who I am right now. I could walk down the aisle in my pajamas and he would probably still cry a little bit. The most important thing is that I am going to marry my person, all the rest is just details.