Francisco’s Hat Trick Method
This Friday, motivational speaker Phillipé De Francisco will be giving a lecture to students over the importance of wearing a fedora.
“I see people walking around with their heads down and uncovered,” said Francisco. “I think to myself, ‘if only they had a fedora, then their heads would be held high and covered.’”
Francisco has spoken at over 500 college campus’ including, Harvard, New York University, and Princeton.
“It’s all about freeing yourself by finding your fedora,” said Francisco. “My program is for folks that feel as if they’ve forgotten the fullness that life can fulfill within them, it can get frustrating. A fedora is so much more than just a really cool head piece, it’s a part of you that others have the opportunity to see.”
Within Francisco’s lectures is a 3-step method that helps others find themselves underneath the cover of a fedora.
“The first step is ‘finding your fedora,’ said Francisco. “When you wake up in the morning, you begin your day by looking for your fedora. Searching around your room and looking for your fedora. That feeling of finally finding your fedora is fantastic, I freak-out because I frequently forget where I put my fedora.”
Francisco said that the next step involves ‘feeling your fedora,’ saying that, “what your fedora is made of resembles what you are made of.”
“This is an important step because when people see your fedora, they really see what kind of person you are,” said Francisco. “My fedora is made of one-hundred-percent camel hair. That means that I am a very rich man who can afford the hair of a peculiar-shaped animal who lives in the desert. Therefore, people respect me.”
Deeper research has found that Francisco’s statement on wearing a camel-hair fedora was a complete opinion.
“’Following your fedora’ is the final step in my proven 3-step method,” said Francisco. “It lays on top of your head so, wherever it goes, you go. I give the example of when I first met my wife. I was on top of the Empire State Building in New York and I decided to throw my fedora off. After quickly running down the stairs, I found my fedora on top of my beautiful wife-to-be Angela.”
“We met on Craigslist, I was selling my ’94 Toyota Camry,” said Angela Francisco. “He’s bald by the way, that’s why he wears a fedora. He does this whole lecture thing because he wants fedoras to come back in style so nobody will find out he’s bald.”
Angela Francisco has been married to Phillipé for twelve years.
“His real name is Drew Feesees,” said Angela. “This whole ‘program’ is actually a giant scam. He sells fedoras after he gets done talking to people and makes thousands of dollars. I keep my mouth shut, he comes home with money, and I remain named Angela Feesees. What a great life.”
“My wife believes in me one-hundred-percent,” said Drew. “I tell the students in my program that true love is only found underneath the cool shade of a fedora. She tells me every day that she doesn’t want to see my full head of hair, she wants to see my head full of fedora.”
Feesees lecture, ‘Free Your Fedora’ will be held in the Liberal Arts Building with a table of fedoras you can purchase before, during, and after.
“Jason Mraz is a pretty cool guy and he wears a fedora,” said Feesees. “Is he still relevant?”