#Hashtagging #Gone #Too #Far
Forty-six-year-old Craig Skimmer suffered traumatic brain trauma last Tuesday after his Twitter Hashtag Addiction (THA) went too far.
“He was just trying to seem hip and cool,” said Skimmer’s wife, Barbara. “I didn’t think anything of it until his hashtags were hashtagging hashtags.”
Hashtagging is a part of Twitter that involves placing the pound sign before a word or phrase is typed; in Skimmers case, the hashtag meant much more than that.
“I remember the first hashtag he used,” said Barbara. “He had grilled some chicken and took a picture of it with one hashtag, ‘#ElPolloLoco.’ I didn’t think it was very clever, but he certainly did.”
Within just one week, Skimmer’s hashtagging grew to three per picture and within one month; it was eight.
“I thought he was just joking around with it,” said Gary Harris, a co-worker of Skimmers. “But then one day he took a picture of me smiling at work and put ‘#MondayAndStillSmiling’ under the picture. The weird part is, he never told me about it. Angela in HR showed me his Twitter post.”
Skimmer is just one of many Americans who have suffered some sort of brain trauma resulting from THA. Leading Psychologist at Edmond Ivy League College University (EILCU), Austin Farraday has begun detailed analysists of the disorder through profound studies.
“Many people have THA and they just don’t realize it,” said Farraday. “The most common diagnoses of THA is if there are three or more hashtags used on one post. Another symptom is the use of these common THA hashtags; #2Blessed2Stress, #NoFilter, #TupacIsAlive, and #LookinGood.”
— Austin Faraday (@EILCU) June 29, 2017
Skimmer’s daughter, Chelsea, was the first one to influence him to start using hashtags on Twitter.
“I warned him to not put so many hashtags on his posts,” said Chelsea. “I told my mom about his addiction after I saw him take a picture of a squirrel eating an acorn. He only described the squirrel with the hashtags; ‘#NutsAreForSquirrels, #SquirrelsNeedProtein, #HungryMuch?, #SaveSomeAcornsForMe, #SeptemberSquirrel, and #SquirrelsAVirgo. It wasn’t just that it was embarrassing, I was worried about my dad.”
Research found by Farraday shows that about three out of every thirteen Twitter users suffers from THA.
“We were able to steal thirteen phones from a library and conduct research,” said Farraday. “All of the phones had accounts on Twitter and had been posting quite frequently. We weren’t shocked to find that three of those accounts had used the hashtag ‘#NoFilter,’ under photos that were obviously filtered in some way; terrifying research.”
“I would have done something about it sooner if I could,” said Barbara Skimmer. “The past week or two he would say ‘hashtag goodnight’ before bed. I just thought he was having a slight stroke; never imagined it being this bad.”
“Everyone at work is thinking about him,” said Harris. “I don’t care about him anymore though, he made everyone think I like Mondays because of that stupid post.”
Skimmer is still in critical care and is expected to have a full recovery soon, after he is taken to intensive care.
“The last post he put on Twitter was the one that caused too much stress on his brain,” said Barbara. “There is a picture of a new pair of golfing socks and in the description, it reads; ‘#GolfingGopher #2Blessed2Stress #Hashtagging #HashtaggingHashtag #HashtaggingHashtaggingHashtags; I can’t read anymore of them.”