Edmond Driver Puts the Pedal to the Metal
Thirty-two-year old Damon Carter decided to drive the speed-limit on Broadway for the first time in his life, a life decision that he is proud of.
“It’s forty-five miles per hour, but I’ve always driven thirty, and I don’t know why,” said Carter.
Driving on Broadway through Edmond, a person might experience a bit of frustration with the traffic that seems to go at a steady pace of thirty miles-per-hour while the legal limit is forty-five.
“If I press my right foot on the gas pedal more than I usually do, my left foot slams on the brake,” said Carter.
Carter had reached a scientific conclusion that is based on complete facts; when a person uses momentum from their foot, it is possible to increase the speed of the automobile they are operating.
Also, a recent study done by Edmond Ivy League College University (EILCU) found that 1 out of every 5 drivers who commute through Edmond decides to drive the legal limit or more that is allowed.
Austin Faraday, a scientist involved in the study at EILCU was confused by the results in the study.
Love the study done by the scientist Faraday. Spot on science about Edmond drivers!! Win.
— Dylan Taylor Brown (@DylanTaylorBrow) June 8, 2017
“I know it is possible to drive the speed limit, but why would you?” said Faraday. “You would have to be scientifically crazy to actually drive the legal limit, that’s a fact, I’m a scientist; you should believe me.”
“My wife left me,” said Carter, “she said she could never see herself in love with someone who drives so fast. And she took our kids and left; haven’t seen her since.”
Damon Carter has recently found a self-help group that meets once a week called Legal Edmond Drivers Anonymous (LEDA).
“The group has really helped me cope with the fact that I drive the speed limit in Edmond,” said Carter “my wife left me, my dog left me, and my parents don’t talk to me anymore. But hey, at least my co-workers still like me.”
“I don’t like him,” said one of Carters co-workers, Andrew Shabowitz. “I don’t like him at all. I used to carpool with Damon and the day he started driving the actual legal limit I told him to pull over and let me out. Haven’t talked to him since. He’s an idiot.”
Another Edmond driver, Lucy Alexander described her feelings on the matter.
“What’s the speed limit on Broadway?” asked Alexander. “That is way too fast, forty-five? Why can’t everyone just drive thirty miles under the speed limit?”
Alexander is a daily commuter down the street of Broadway as well, and feels that those who drive the legal limit are irresponsible.
“All of them are hoodlums,” said Alexander, “I never have anywhere to go, so I really don’t feel the need to drive the speed limit when going through Edmond.”
Even though everyone in Carter’s life has left him and nobody likes him, he still feels very confident about his life decision to not drive twenty miles under the speed limit while in Edmond.
“Honestly, I get to places on time, now that I go the speed limit in Edmond,” said Carter “also, I don’t have drivers telling me to speed up while yelling disgusting language. My life has changed for the better.”
Carter owns a small accounting firm on the south side of Edmond and commutes daily to the Walgreens on the north side of Edmond.
“It’s crazy, I actually get to places on time,” said Carter “I’m going to keep this up. But on the highway, I always stick to a solid forty miles an hour.”