Dear Mr. Tide; a letter from a hungry customer
Dear Mr. Tide,
It is the twenty-second day of January, in the year of our Lord 2018. I am writing this letter during the happiest time of my life. Finally, the delicious taste of Tide detergent is becoming popular after years of people making fun of me for eating it. I am able to consume the liquid soap that so many people and warning labels have told me not to consume.
When your product was in powder form, I would sprinkle it on my food like salt. When your product was in liquid form, I would pour it on my pancakes every morning before school. Now that Tide Pods are available, I am eating detergent every second of every day. It’s a Pod Parade in my mouth and everyone is invited.
Winston Churchill once said, “Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Give a man a fishing pole, he eats for the rest of his life. Give a man a Tide Pod and he will never want to eat anything else again.”
For over 70 years, you have been changing the way people do laundry while also changing the color of my teeth after drinking a bottle of your detergent. I have been drinking your product since I was a little boy. My mother was always impressed with my excitement for cleaning my own clothes. Little did she know, I was really just hungry.
My favorite flavors are all of them. But if I had to choose, my number one favorite would be Ocean Mist. It really does taste like the California coastline. My second favorite would have to be Spring Meadow, especially after a hard day’s work. The Spring Meadow flavor helps you relax and enjoy life for the few seconds you’re eating it. However, the Original Tide taste will forever have a place in my stomach.
I don’t think I could ever get sick of eating Tide Pods. Except when I’m actually getting sick from eating them. Your company has always put the consumer first and that’s something I’ve always liked about you. Now I go outside, pop-a-pod, and walk around town with a smile on my face.
It is so exciting to witness the future of your company, what other flavors you might come up with. I think you could start a Tide Bar; a place where people can go to eat Pods and talk about eating Pods.
I am mainly writing this letter to thank you for the years of deliciously satisfying detergent snacks you have provided for people everywhere. As your number one customer, I hope to continue to see other customers like me eating Tide Pods.
Thank you,Dylan Brown
P.S. – Am I smart for eating detergent?