Columnist’s Fake News Divides Community
Humor Columnist Dylan Brown sits at a conference table in the newsroom with a copy of one of his famous “Fake News” Columns. Illustration. (Cara Johnson/The Vista)
A town meeting was held in Edmond’s Chamber of Commerce last Friday after confusion within the community led to outrage upon finding out that a nationally respected columnist based out of the town was writing fake news.
The Vista had the opportunity to interview this wonderfully cherished columnist so that he can shed a light as to why nobody within Edmond knew it was fake. The writer wanted complete anonymity.
“The title of the column is ‘Fake News,’ I don’t know how more obvious it could have been,” the famously genius columnist said. “I mean, if someone came up to me to tell me a lie and they prefaced it with telling me that it was a lie, I wouldn’t believe what they were about to tell me.”
The meeting started with all the attendees listing off the many reasons why they love the column, which went on for an hour.
“Is Autin Farraday real?” committee leader John Stall said. “This is hard for the entire community to deal with. I drove around Edmond an entire day just looking for a school named Edmond Ivy League College University (EILCU). It didn’t exist at all. I probably just could’ve used the internet, but how can I even trust the internet after this. I’m done with internet.”
The worldwide loved columnist told the Vista that people have been standing in his lawn asking why he would lie to the entire world.
“Dr. Seuss never got this much hate and all of his work is fake,” the columnist said. “I watched as a grown man was crying while holding my hand. He kept asking me if the hand that writes the fake news is fake as well.”
The community meeting eventually had to stop talking about how amazing the fantastic columnist’s writing was and discuss what must be done with the writer.
“I wake up every day and instantly read his column because I thought it was the real news of the day,” Stall said. “So, basically, for the past four months I have not been informed of anything whatsoever, besides being informed of what good writing looks like. I wanted to kick the columnist out of Edmond, no matter how good looking he is.”
The community eventually came to a decision to kick the gorgeously smart columnist out of the town that he wrote so much fake news about.
“I was surprised,” the columnist said. “There is a warning underneath the title ‘Fake News’ that cautions the reader that this is a satirical column. Now I must find a new town to write fake news about, but I don’t know if I can though. The whole world knows my writing and how good looking I am.”
The columnist is forced to leave by the end of the week and the town of Edmond is beginning the grieving process.
“He’s so good looking and talented, but he is a liar,” Stall said. “We all feel like we got catfished.”