A Nightmare in the Woods
The ‘masked man’ poses for a photo with his favorite knife. He reportedly used a chainsaw to cut through a cabin door in the woods where a group of local teenagers were staying. (Provided/Pixabay.com)
Warning: This is a Fictional Column Intended for Satire.
Police responded to a 911-call Saturday after a group of local teenagers experienced what they call a “nightmare in the woods.”
Eighteen-year-old Chad Barker was the one who made the call after witnessing a ‘masked man’ with a knife in the woods near the cabin they were staying at.
“He was like a frighteningly dark shadow in the middle of the night,” said Barker. “We were trying to help him, that’s why I called the police. I mean, it was raining and he was drenched. That poor guy needed to find some shelter.”
The ‘masked man’ the teenagers saw was a wanted fugitive who has been witnessed by many victims who have lost loved ones because of him.
Seventeen-year-old Sarah Paige says she heard him breathing in her room one of the nights and will never forget it.
“I remember waking up and seeing his shadow in the corner of the room,” said Paige. “But I wasn’t concerned until I heard him start wheezing in the corner. I have asthma, so I told him to hold on while I get him my inhaler. The next thing I know, he was gone. He might not have problems if he wasn’t running all over our cabin.”
Officer James Robinson was the first to respond.
“These kids have some problems with their brains,” said Robinson. “When I told them that this guy is a killer who goes after teenagers in the woods, they told me I wasn’t being politically correct. I just figured they were in shock or something. But nope, just not smart.”
Written on one of the mirrors in the bathroom of the cabin was ‘Kill You Now.’
“He wrote ‘Kiss You Now’ in my bathroom,” said Paige. “What a sweetheart, unfortunately I already have a boyfriend. So, the next time I saw him, I made sure to tell him that. Some guys are just romantics at heart and those are the ones I hate turning down.”
“There was a moment when I felt like my life was in danger,” said Barker. “He was using a chainsaw and trying to saw through the front door of our cabin. But, after talking with Sarah, I realized he was just a poor heartbroken guy trying to break down the door of love.”
“It was around two in the morning and he was trying to cut down some trees,” said Paige. “So, I figured that was the best time to go give him the bad news. I yelled out of my window and told him I have a boyfriend. He did not take that news lightly.”
Officer Robinson pulled up to the scene just before the ‘masked man’ could see through the front door.
“I pull up and these kids started chasing after him,” said Robinson. “They were saying that he is just a misunderstood soul who is looking for love in all the wrong places. The man was trying to murder them.”
“Just because someone wears a mask and enjoys cutting down trees in the middle of the night, doesn’t make them a killer. they are misunderstood,” said Barker. “The heart wants what it wants and will break down every door to get it.”
Five teenagers checked into the cabin that night. Barker and Paige were the only ones to make it out alive.