2018’s LIST OF WORST SHOWS COMING TO NETFLIX
Warning: This is a Fictional Column Intended for Satire
America is the land of freedom, but it comes with a cost. Being able to enjoy wonderful movies and television shows is a large part of American culture. But those star-spangled eyeballs might not want to see what’s on your Netflix cue.
This is a list of the new year’s worst shows coming to Netflix. Because your life doesn’t need to waste those few precious and beautiful moments by watching shows that don’t make sense. These precious life moments could include hugging your son, playing baseball with a daughter you have or even just shaking hands with a local business man.
1. SPACEY OR NOT
House Hunters is back at it again, but this time they changed up their host. Kevin Spacey takes couples to their dream homes and renovates it to their liking. He brings that same dark and ominous vibe to the show that he does with everything else, including life. You might’ve liked him in House of Cards, but not anymore, because now you don’t have to like him on an HGTV show.
2. MARVEL’S ADDITIONAL SUPERHEROES
There is no number of superheroes that Marvel can make up and put onto your Netflix feed. This time they have thrown together a new group of superheroes that seem to not grab your attention whatsoever. One of which is Taxman, a guy who is able to do your taxes. Track-and-Field Girl, just a girl who is slightly above average at track-and-field. Interior Decorator Guy, a guy who knows what a villainous floor plan needs to be good. Of course, people will watch this show; it’s Marvel and people watch whatever superhero they come up with.
3. THE RANCH (WITHOUT HYDE)
The Ranch is back for yet another season, this time without the character from That 70’s Show. No description needed for why this show won’t be good. Just watch That 70’s Show and try not to be creeped out by that guy who wears glasses constantly. Hyde, come on man. (THIS IS ACTUALLY REAL)
4. ADAM SANDLER’S ATTEMPT AT TV
We all remember Adam Sandler as Billy Madison, Longfellow Deeds and Happy Gilmore. After that, his movies turn you into a 50-year-old trying to remember the good times when things were simpler. Sandler takes his hand at television now in a new Netflix series. The whole plotline of this show is hoping Adam Sandler comes up with something good once again. (HE NEVER DOES).
5. STRANGER THINGS ALL GROWN UP
Rugrats did it, why can’t Stranger Things.
It’s 40 years later, the story follows Eleven as she makes her way to Toronto to hopefully land a job as CEO of a telemarketing corporation. Mike plays guitar at a bar in Hawkins since he never got his band off the ground. Dustin ended up marrying Steve and they now live in Wisconsin with their kids in a six-bedroom house. After Dustin left Hawkins, Lucas decided to travel the world. Will ended up joining Herbalife and is the president of one of their clubs in Nebraska. It’s actually not all that bad of a show, just too real for some people.
So, give your eyeballs and brain the true American dream by watching shows that are worthwhile on Netflix. Shows like Last Man Standing with Tim Allen, Rules of Engagement with David Spade or even Zoo, a show that makes complete sense. No matter what show you watch, it’s a new year, but not a new you. Don’t act like 2018 will be the year you start exercising more, you’ll just watch Netflix more.